My mind is filled this week, I can barely make sense of my thoughts. I will do my best to write them down and not be to long winded.
1. Ever keeps telling me she wants to be a sister, I am not sure where she is getting it from but she says it daily. I would love to do that for her, hopefully soon.
2. Having another baby scares me sometimes. I question how well I will handle it, I fear that I will not give Ever the attention she is used to, I get scared she will resent me. I am not sure I will be able to take great care of her while I am pregnant. I don't want to lay around and have to tell her I can't play with her or that I don't feel good. I get really nervous about it.
3. I love more than anything being her mommy, I definitely have moments when I think a break is much needed, for BOTH of us. Her as much as me, you can get to much of a person I think. Problem is when I am away I struggle enjoying myself. My mind is filled with her, how is she doing, is she being good. I feel guilty for leaving her with someone else. They have lives to and they don't need to be babysitting. This is the reason I have spent one night away from her, I don't like to be gone from her. I struggle with guilt a lot. I wish I could get over that a bit.
4. I tend to over react to a lot of the things Ever does. I should just brush it off I think, on the other hand I want her to know it is not ok, but she gets upset when I am upset and I feel that she is sad she let me down. I don't know how to handle this. She is a great little girl and I fear I will not teach her the best. I don't know if this is normal or makes sense. I just worry a lot about how I am doing as a mother, and maybe worrying so much about trying to teach her right and wrong or what is not ok is making me a worse mother. How do you handle being hit? I am not sure what will teach her that is not ok, nothing is really working yet.
5. Moving on from mommy things, I am so not a cook. I said it, don't enjoy it, not good at it, and really don't have the desire to be. I am sure Rhett would love if I could change that. I need some creativity in the kitchen.
6. I don't love being away from Rhett, at all. I think before Ever was born in our four years of marriage we spent like 6 nights apart total. He makes me feel safe, I love him and he helps me a lot. I will miss him while I am in stg this weekend. He probably likes some space from me, definitely not Ever, he loves her so much and hates to be away from her.
7. I am so nervous to take Ever to the dentist. When did you take your kid? I heard when they get teeth you should take them, well she has them all but 1. I think it is time, but will she freak?
8. Does anyone else hate the scale? I refuse to weigh myself. I hate that number, it can change so much and to be honest, if I know it I think a lot about it. It's been like 2 months since I stepped on it. I don't plan on getting on it soon. I didn't look at the scale my entire pregnancy. I really don't know what I gained, its just a number right?
9.I can't understand how I need to go to the stinking grocery store every single day pretty much. Does anyone else have this problem. Sometimes it is only for one thing, but I must not know how to shop. I don't have enough food to cook like a weeks worth of meals, I am so not good at that.
10. I do not get sick at the sight of blood, I handle those things well, unless it is with Ever. She has had some bad ones these last weeks and I hate it. I can barely look, I hate seeing her in pain. She got a serious treadmill burn on the side of her foot at her cousins house. It was so raw and blistered, she keeps telling me be careful with my owee.
11. I want to end on a good note, I love my life. I like to vent, who doesn't. I hope no one takes it as being negative. I am just being honest, I am a genuinely happy person. I love that I get to stay home and take care of Ever. I hold myself to a high standard, but I really don't think it is possible for me to love her anymore. There is always room for improvement and I will never stop trying to be the best mom for her. I say it a lot but I am so lucky she is mine forever.
1. Ever keeps telling me she wants to be a sister, I am not sure where she is getting it from but she says it daily. I would love to do that for her, hopefully soon.
2. Having another baby scares me sometimes. I question how well I will handle it, I fear that I will not give Ever the attention she is used to, I get scared she will resent me. I am not sure I will be able to take great care of her while I am pregnant. I don't want to lay around and have to tell her I can't play with her or that I don't feel good. I get really nervous about it.
3. I love more than anything being her mommy, I definitely have moments when I think a break is much needed, for BOTH of us. Her as much as me, you can get to much of a person I think. Problem is when I am away I struggle enjoying myself. My mind is filled with her, how is she doing, is she being good. I feel guilty for leaving her with someone else. They have lives to and they don't need to be babysitting. This is the reason I have spent one night away from her, I don't like to be gone from her. I struggle with guilt a lot. I wish I could get over that a bit.
4. I tend to over react to a lot of the things Ever does. I should just brush it off I think, on the other hand I want her to know it is not ok, but she gets upset when I am upset and I feel that she is sad she let me down. I don't know how to handle this. She is a great little girl and I fear I will not teach her the best. I don't know if this is normal or makes sense. I just worry a lot about how I am doing as a mother, and maybe worrying so much about trying to teach her right and wrong or what is not ok is making me a worse mother. How do you handle being hit? I am not sure what will teach her that is not ok, nothing is really working yet.
5. Moving on from mommy things, I am so not a cook. I said it, don't enjoy it, not good at it, and really don't have the desire to be. I am sure Rhett would love if I could change that. I need some creativity in the kitchen.
6. I don't love being away from Rhett, at all. I think before Ever was born in our four years of marriage we spent like 6 nights apart total. He makes me feel safe, I love him and he helps me a lot. I will miss him while I am in stg this weekend. He probably likes some space from me, definitely not Ever, he loves her so much and hates to be away from her.
7. I am so nervous to take Ever to the dentist. When did you take your kid? I heard when they get teeth you should take them, well she has them all but 1. I think it is time, but will she freak?
8. Does anyone else hate the scale? I refuse to weigh myself. I hate that number, it can change so much and to be honest, if I know it I think a lot about it. It's been like 2 months since I stepped on it. I don't plan on getting on it soon. I didn't look at the scale my entire pregnancy. I really don't know what I gained, its just a number right?
9.I can't understand how I need to go to the stinking grocery store every single day pretty much. Does anyone else have this problem. Sometimes it is only for one thing, but I must not know how to shop. I don't have enough food to cook like a weeks worth of meals, I am so not good at that.
10. I do not get sick at the sight of blood, I handle those things well, unless it is with Ever. She has had some bad ones these last weeks and I hate it. I can barely look, I hate seeing her in pain. She got a serious treadmill burn on the side of her foot at her cousins house. It was so raw and blistered, she keeps telling me be careful with my owee.
11. I want to end on a good note, I love my life. I like to vent, who doesn't. I hope no one takes it as being negative. I am just being honest, I am a genuinely happy person. I love that I get to stay home and take care of Ever. I hold myself to a high standard, but I really don't think it is possible for me to love her anymore. There is always room for improvement and I will never stop trying to be the best mom for her. I say it a lot but I am so lucky she is mine forever.
5 comments:
love the pictures of you guys! you look so beautiful! Your thoughts are always fun to read and your honesty is refreshing. I have a comment on the whole what kind of a mommy will you be when you are pregnant? I had the same worries all the time! Brandon even asked me why I wanted to start trying again when I did, he said don't you remember how bad it was?! and to be honest I did! I SO remembered! but at the same time I just had a feeling everything would be ok, I would be able to be a good mom, and William would be ok, and you know what it totally has! pray about it, that is my only advice. It so doesn't mean that it is going to be easy, but I think you are SUCH a great mom you should give Ever the chance to be a big sister! :) I could probably keep going on all your other points but I feel like maybe I should stop! haha!
Yeah I think every mom feels and thinks the same way about having more children. I was sooo sick when I got preggo with Elle but some how I just made it work with Trey and I didn't feel like I was being a bad mom. Ever is old enough now that she will understand and help her mommy out a ton i'm sure. It's soooo fun to see them with a sibling, I just loved every minute seeing Trey will Elle. And I can't wait to see Elle with this new baby she is gonna be such a big helper and she is so excited!
As for the dentist I took Trey when he was 3 and Elle was 1 and they actually both did awesome. We haven't been back since cause our insurance sucks and it costs so much but we are major overdue!!!
Cute pictures Nichole, you and Ever are both beautiful! In my opinion I think the best thing for your child is a sibling. I know it's hard to think about 2, but they adjust fast and then they will always have someone to be close to as they grow up. It's different for everyone, but I wanted my first 2 only 2 years apart so that they would have each other. I love having my two close together and wouldn't have it any other way, but everyone is different, so just do what feels right to you and your family.
Nichole you are a mom...all of those feelings are legit! Guilt is a big part of a mothers life I think. I was so glad to finally meet your little Evers this weekend. She is a doll...really! Plus she is super lucky to have such an amazing mother!! GOod luck with number two!!
I love your Thursday Thoughts! I have a lot of those same thoughts. I always wondered how I was going to be able to split my time evenly with each child that we had. And honestly each child does get a little less one on one time than Jace did, but they actually have each other for entertainment. Does that even make sense? Wow, it's getting late and I am totally dragging this out! But girl, you are an AWESOME MOMMY and you have nothing to worry about. And Ever is so precious! I love her :)
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