THESE WERE THE DAYS!!!!Right now as we speak I am crying and so is Ever. She is in her crib screaming for the last 30 minutes actually. She hates her crib and it is totally my fault. She is not the best sleeper, she loves to be held and usually needs to be fed to fall asleep and you can't move her she wakes up. She very rarely gets into a deep sleep and she would cry all day in her crib, tired or not, she screams. I wish she would nap more, she takes like a twenty minute nap then like a 30 to 40 minute nap, then doesn't go to bed until between 9 and 10. What the heck, why wont she sleep more. I am reading a book that Lindsey sent me and it is so good. Now if I could only make it work. I am having a hard time doing it on my own. I need to get my hubby to commit to it. He doesn't see her all day so he loves to snuggle and be with her, but I need my time to. I would love for her to sleep in her own bed, all night. That would be amazing. She sleeps ok when she is in our bed, but I don't think that is a good idea.
I was talking to a lady the other day, and she has 4 grown kids now. I was telling her how stressed out I was about the sleeping thing, and she thinks it is not a big deal to have your kids sleep with you. She says look at the pioneers, or just not that long ago, everyone slept in the same room. They only had one room. What is wrong with being near your kids and sleeping together. I see her point as well, I want to love Ever and let her be close to me, soon enough she will want me to go away, you know. I should love every minute of her wanting her mom right?
SEE MY DILEMMA?? I am so torn on what to do. It is making me a bit crazy, sad and frusterated. I hate how I am feeling though. I want to be the best mom, and right now I feel not so good at my mothering duties. I love her, and trying to change her is making me so angry, I know she feels it and it's not fair that I take it out on her. She is thinking why now are you letting me cry all day? Poor thing, I am to soft maybe, I wish I would have trained her a long time ago. Holy cow I am rambling sorry, I will stop. I would love to hear views, opinions, things that worked. I already know I am going to follow the book Lindsey gave me, but it says to make sure you have no travel plans coming up, which we do. So as soon as I get back from STG I am going to decide what I will do. Let her sleep in my bed and wherever she wants until she is old, or get her on a schedule, sleeping from 7 to 7 and having long naps. Sounds like heaven, but getting there is more like hell for me.
22 comments:
I'm so sorry for you right now:( I'm sure your feeling super frustrated. I will keep this post in mind when my little girl wants to sleep in my bed.
I wish I had some advice. I say just make sure you do Lindsey's book. It seems like everyone she has sent it to has loved it!
Good luck.
P.S. You are SO NOT a bad Mom for wanting her to sleep in her own room so you can have your own time. Don't EVEN think that silly.
Nichole,
You are not a bad mom, and you should let Ever sleep in her own room or you will be going through what I am. We moved into my grandma's house in June and Taylor got a big bed no more crib, well she would always wake up and come in our room and sleep with me. Now, I am dealing with her every night screaming that she hates her bed. She said to me the other day, " can't do it mom!" I cry because she is crying.
You stay strong she will be ok.
It will only take about 3 days, then she will be trained, trust me. Do what works best for you though, but it sounds like you need a little break. I let Dax cry and it is the best thing I ever did. Good luck!
I had Kenton sleep with us at night for the 1st little bit. I think because he was our first and Darren was SO scared of sids. Anyways I understand them wanting to be held, and it is so hard! By the time he was 1 I was making him sleep alone and it was a bout to get him there. But it worked. It is also hard because what works for one baby will not work for every baby lol my kids are like night and day! I though when I finally got Kodi home from the NICU I would just let her sleep with me so she would sleep good like Kenton did. Well she hated every second of it!!! She needed her own space. Anyways honestly us mommy's really just need to use trial and error in order to to get to where we need to be with each baby.
(did I make any sense?)
Oh Nichole, I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! We too were having sleep problems with Link. Actually, he hasn't been a good sleeper until day one. So last week Miles and I decided to give the "Cry it out" method a try. With the suggestion of our pediatrician we made sure we were both on the same page and came up with a plan. We knew that if we were going to try this, we had to give it our all, otherwise it would be just letting him cry in vain. So we went for it. The first night was HELL! He cried over an hour the first waking and 45 min the second. I cried and we prayed a lot. The second night though seemed like a miracle. The longest he cried was 10 min. The third night followed suite. We were so excited that it was working so fast. Well, this is when things fell apart. The forth day seemed to be hardest of all. It felt like he was constantly crying. We stuck it out for the rest of the week, hoping it would get better. It didn't.
So Miles and I made a consensual agreement to stop. IT WASN'T WORTH IT. We didn't feel good about it anymore.
So you are not alone! It's so true that every baby is different! I'm glad we tried this even though it didn't work. But it did give me more patience with our current situation.
One more thing, in studying child development in college, we learned that co-sleeping is very healthy and beneficial for you and the child. So if you and Ever get the best sleep that way, GO FOR IT! Do what works. We tried co-sleeping in the beginning, but I wasn't getting any sleep so now Link is in our room in a crib.
Gook luck! I know it is sooooo tough! Follow those mommy instincts!
So sorry to read that you aren't getting much of a break. I felt totally guilty moving Lucy to her crib but she sleeps better, as do we. Good luck!
Try the Happiest Baby books or the No Cry Sleep books ... they are at the library if you don't want to buy them.
I just ran across your blog and TOTALLY FELT FOR YOU. I had to comment, but then I read MichelleP's, and she pretty much had the same exact story as us.
You have to do what works for you, and for your baby. I felt TONS of pressure to make my boy cry it out, and after 2 weeks of crying for 2 hours every nap time and bed time, it wasn't going anywhere. The time never went down like they said it would, and me and my husband just felt SO good about our decision not to let him CIO. We were actually relieved when we went back to how it was (me rocking him or just nursing him to sleep) cause really all it takes now is what? 5-10 minutes?
I have a friend who said the same thing, although both of her kids are polar opposite: One cried it out for 2 nights and then he was good to go- taught himself how to fall alseep, while her daughter would cry til she passed out- never learned to do it herself. I really think it's all dependant on the child, and the needs of the parents! Good luck with everything. Make a decision YOU feel good about!
(And for the record I put my son asleep by feeding him for a few minutes, put him in his crib, then in the morning if he wakes up early we bring him into our bed. He really does sleep like a ROCK with us!)
Im so sorry...that is so not fun. I can't sleep with my kids in my bed. When I moved Cash into the crib we just let him cry it out and it took about 4 days to a week and that was that. They learn pretty quick that your not coming in to get them. Its not fun and you want to wear ear plugs. Good Luck.
You already know my history and position on the whole thing. BUT, I agree you have to be on the same page with your husband. Mybe you should let Rhett have her for 24 hours just so he REALLY gets the idea of how exaushted you are! haha.
Well, as you can read, EVERY baby is so different. And like I said, It took Gabby 2 whole weeks to stop crying. My ped/Dr. said his 2 year old STILL cries most nights for about 5 min. But he is still a good sleeper.
WHO knows!!! She will learn. I think it teaches them independence in a healthy way.
Letting Gabby cry was the BEST thing we ever did for sure. It honestly makes having kids seem easy. When mommy and daddy get time and the kids know when its bed time and you're the boss. It's a much happier home!
Good luck. Don't do it til you;ll be home after Christmas for sure.
We are already discussing the sleeping rules. This post has shed some light on it. I am sorry you are frustrated but I know what you decide and stick to will work out. Best of Luck... When are you coming to SGU?
Oh I love how much advice people have given you! And honestly, we have been HORRIBLE about letting our kids sleep with us. We have always let them sleep in our bed if they couldn't sleep or didn't feel good! And when they were little, none of them were good sleepers in their beds, so they always ended up in our bed! I did read a great book though that helped me a ton! "Healthy sleep habits, healthy baby" By dr. Weisbluth. It is seriously awesome! Here is a link that just has the book on it so you can see what it looks like if you are interested! http://about.pricegrabber.com/search_getprod.php?isbn=9780449004029&
good luck!
k. duh. that link didn't work. Anyway, they have the books everywhere!
I was SO tired when I had Carli I had her sleep with me for a long time. When she started to roll a lot I got worried she would maybe fall out of bed so I put up a portable crib right along side my bed. After that I had to let her cry a little too, but she eventually went to her crib and slept through the night. With Jace I kept a portable crib in my room at first, and then just moved him to the bed. I just couldn't do it with Carli. I didn't ever want to put her down. Hang in there. You learn a LOT with your first one. The second one is easier!! Merry Christmas. She is adorable!!
I also have the book that Julie told you about. It is good but doesn't have an easy flow. It is kind of confusing. You can totally borrow it.
I have said too much, i know, I am annoying. I think you just need to read lots of different views and books and do what feels comfortable to you AFTER you have educated yourself about the decisions you wanna make. That is what I did so I felt really good and confident about letting her cry it out.
agian, good luck. I swear I won't say another word! I just so know what you're going through!
Oh I feel so bad for you... Hallie takes her naps really good in her crib, but I'm guilty of letting her sleep in the bed about 1/2 way through the night. I need to work on it NOW it sounds like. Good Luck, I hope it gets better!
Sorry to hear your struggles. It seemed as soon as Kaylee FINALLY (6 mo.!) slept thru the night, Jason was working nights and I let her fall asleep with me in bed and then Jason would put her in her crib when he got home. We started to notice she wasn't able to fall asleep unless she was close to one of us. That didn't help when I needed a break! So we started working with her to fall asleep on her own and although she prefers to be close to us, she can now fall asleep on her own too. You just have to find what works for your family. And you will! Best of luck!
Nichole-I hope you are comforted in the fact that you are not alone, & know that you are not a bad mom by any means. I love reading your blog because I can feel through reading it your love for your baby girl. That inspires me. You inspire me.
Let me just share with you what I have experienced due to this matter. After I had Ava, I did not want her to leave my side. Not even to sleep. She slept with me in bed for a very long time...I am still paying the price for that decision. Yes, she sleeps in her own bed now...but she has night terrors. She wakes up screaming at least once every night so scared because she is alone. Either Ryan & I at that point have to go into her room & sleep with her the whole rest of the night. Now after I had Colt, I obviously wanted to try a different approach. As hard as it was, I stuck him in his crib from the get go (yes he would cry, he still does). But only for a short time, & I'm telling you that boy will sleep from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m. Each kid is so different, what may work for some, may not work for others. I have a sister-in-law who was so schedule oriented with her baby...for me that is a bit to military. I can't even keep myself on a schedule let alone my baby. I would just tell you to go with your heart...you know what is best for Ever. Don't feel guilty about having her by your side if that is what feels right. It's not that I regret my time sleeping with Ava, but to every choice there is a consequence.
Nichole!
Your NOT a bad mom!! I really believe there is not ONE right way to be a parent, I have 3 and everyone of them are polar opposites! I have had struggles with one and not the other and vise versa. As for the sleeping situation, STAY STRONG!! It will be worth it, I know its hard now but you will be happy you did. Set a schedule and stick to it as much as possible. My life is hectic and I am constantly running but I try?! You are a great mommy and just follow your instincts!
It is so hard when your baby is like that. This is what I did to get Joaquin on a schedule. She's still young enough to have two naps during the day. So I would lay him down at 8:30 am and he would sleep till about 10:00 or else I would wake him so he didn't sleep past 10:00. Then I would put him down in the afternoon at 1:00 and he would sleep till about 3:30 or 4:00. Then bedtime was at 7:00 and he sleeps till 7:00. The key for sleeping all throught the night is to not feed them when they wake up in the night. The biggest key is routine. I do exactly the same thing everyday. Even feeding, dressing, bathing, etc. Then he always knows what comes next. Believe me it was horrible for a few weeks getting him on that schedule but it is so worth it especially for your sanity. For nap time especially the afternoon one I would just have to let him cry. I would go in and rock him and then put him back down. He finally realized that his crying wasn't going to get him anywhere. You just have to get through it but it will be soooo worth it. Sorry that is my long two cents post.
Hi Nichole, you may or may not know me, but I look at your blog once in a while. Just thought I'd suggest ya the book Baby Wise. It's a great one! But it always sounds easier than it is. In fact, I did really well with my first and now my little boy has me totally succored. He's only 4 months now, but I'm afraid he too will have a problem sleeping. It's hard being a parent and sometimes we just have to do what we feel is right. Every child is different any how and not every book fits every child.
I think everyone is guilty of letting their baby sleep with them! I could say the same things that basically everyone has said... but I will say this... Jace: had to be rocked to sleep or I had to lay with him til' he fell asleep. (such a pain in my butt!) I didn't ever let him just cry. Avery: finally at 6 mo.'s let her cry it out. She cried for a little bit and woke up occasionally at night until she was 1. But now she is my BEST napper and I LOVE that I can just lay her in her bed and kiss her goodnight and say goodbye! Brody: still working on it... but he naps so good in his crib since I made him cry it out. It's hell but WORTH it! Us mommies need a break sometimes... doesn't mean we don't love our little rascals. And if you do decide to do the CIO method, the sooner the better. Once they turn 1 it's so much harder to do it. There is no right or wrong way, you just do what you have to do to survive. And if Ever still sleeps with you guys til' she is 5, who cares! As long as you are happy. And you are an awesome mom!
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